I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
