Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
