I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
