We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
