so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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