Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
