I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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