A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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