Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
