what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
