ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
