Girls should come with a carfax report
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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