After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this will be a night to untag.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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