TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
