Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
