He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize