it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
