Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
