Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
