so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize