I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize