I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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