There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
