Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
