I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
