Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
