Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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