sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
