there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She needs sedatives and a leash
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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