that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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