I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
