i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
