I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
