Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My pussy is not your playground.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Randomize
