Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
