I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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