Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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