Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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