i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
