If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize