So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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