I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
