Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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