I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
