I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize