is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
