I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
