Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
