you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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