; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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