Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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