During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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