I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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