Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
