he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
