i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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