Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
