do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
