And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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